Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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