Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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