I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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