Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
