Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
