Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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