So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
