i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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