so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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