3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize