so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
