I'm jealous of your bromance
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
