I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
