i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have aggressive nipples.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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