she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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