dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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