i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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