she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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