Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
