Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
