FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
