Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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