Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
