I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
