So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
