if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's like heaven, but drunker
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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