wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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