Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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