Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
