True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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