Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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