Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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