I cannot find my penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
