I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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