Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
