she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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