Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
