I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
