He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
