You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Shame - the story of my life.
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