I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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