Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
