the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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