I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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