Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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