she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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