i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
