Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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