She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
