Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
