I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
