I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
