If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
