Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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