You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
