I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
