I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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