just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
