eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
