She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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