I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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