It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
