yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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