My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
