I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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