my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
