youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
