ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
