The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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