Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
