you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
