textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
