wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
