i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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