Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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