Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
