i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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