I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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