guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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